A Pause For Breath

 I decided to go on a silent retreat in a monastery this year, one that would test me in more ways than I could count. It was hundreds of miles away, farther than I'd ever gone by myself. It was a full week away, right when life seemed to demand my presence most. I thought of a million reasons not to go. LIFE showed me a million reasons not to go. But when I brought up those reasons with my brothers and sisters in Christ, they always had a word of hope and a word of encouragement that gave me the strength to go. 

At the beginning of the retreat, we briefly heard about the story of Martha and Mary. This story always strikes me as having the tendency toward more black and white interpretations. Is it better to be like Martha or to be like Mary? Both have their merits, their virtues, though I think the story of Mary is more often quoted. In the two stories about them, one while serving Jesus in their home (Luke 10:38-42) and one at the death and raising of Lazarus from the dead (John 11:1-44), it seems that both of them have a moment to shine, within the context of their situation. Mary while choosing to sit and listen to Jesus, and Martha for her faith even in the face of the death of her brother. Both women had strengths and weaknesses.

At the end of the week, I wondered if there is another way to think about all of this. One a little less explored, that joins the two together into one whole. A whole way of life.

On the last full day of the retreat, we sang a hymn entitled "Be Not Afraid" just after having been nourished and strengthened anew by the Eucharist. As we sang in that little chapel, instead of hearing the words, this time I heard the rests. There was one tiny rest at the end of each verse, right before the refrain, before returning to the main point of the hymn. 

It was a pause for breath.

It was that breath that empowered us to sing the refrain again - to continue to serve God and others with our own unique voices. In a group as small as we were, without any instruments to accompany us, every voice mattered, and it was noticed if any of them were missing for even a moment. 

Mary chose the breath, but she could also get stuck there, just as Martha could get stuck in the words and run out of air to continue. 

After days of silence, that morning I desired to live in that tiny rest. I also desired to live forever in that chapel, that mountaintop experience in my faith. But if I did, the song would not carry on. There was a natural order to that song that the music conveyed. We could all read it together on that page, and it's what brought our voices together in harmony, in order to sing.

Some may have wanted to rush the rest. Some may have wanted to live in it together always. But what brought glory to God in that moment is that we went on to sing our song, linked together with each of our individual voices present, powered by the little rests.

I don't know all that God is calling me to do next. My life feels like both a blank slate and a packed schedule, all at the same time. But I will carry the beautiful memories of these fellow retreatants, who sang like angels, because we paused for a breath together.

Peace be with you.

Photo Credit: George Becker, stocksnap.io