When your teens are snarling...

 For the record, I have three teens in the house, one of which just recently went off to college. Those last months at home were definitely a little like walking a minefield, for all of us. It's hard to do anything new for the first time, and we all had some emotions about it all - sometimes all the emotions in the same moment.

It's just another continuation of trying to figure out how to do life with kids, without my own mom in the picture anymore, and some days, it's hard. Really hard. How I would love to have an afternoon coffee with her again, partly for a moment of escape and partly for a few words of wisdom in how to navigate this territory within our own family system, with all it's history and quirks. 

Recently, a memory came to mind of one particular afternoon, early in their teen years, trying to navigate all this stuff on my own. One of my kids was having a moment, and I could not figure out for the life of me how to talk reason into this seemingly younger and a little irrational version of myself. I had been there, I knew what that teen was experiencing, but I had my own set of thoughts, issues, emotions, etc. 

So, out of exasperation and not knowing what else to do, I just started narrating their thoughts out loud. I knew almost word for word what they were thinking, so I just started saying it, lightheartedly and out loud. All the stuff. The feelings, the thoughts, the arguments or maybe even justifications. 

I could see the corners of their mouth twitching and finally, the dam broke, "Why do you do that?!? I mean, you're right, but MOM!" The smiles were finally back, though I was only getting a side eye, but in no way could I come within a 10-foot radius of this child, as the battle lines were still clearly drawn in the sand. 

I still have no idea where this sudden inspiration came from, but I suddenly reached out my arms and said with exaggeration, "Do you need a hug???" 

Still not buying it. 

More narration needed...(and a very necessary legal disclaimer added in)...

"This hug does not in any way say that I am right and you are wrong about anything. It is not an admission of guilt or giving in. No party in this conversation or hug is admitting to anything, saying anything is okay or otherwise giving the impression that anything in this situation is okay or that this conversation is over. Nothing is solved. It's JUST a hug." 

Sometimes, we just need a hug and a smile and to know somebody gets it, even if we don't agree on the solution. It's often that simple.

Peace be with you.

Photo Credit: Kristin Hardwick, stocksnap.io