The Young Whippersnappers take on the Facebook Mom

 

I've been informed that I am an "old Facebook mom." I may or may not have let a choice word slip out in utter exasperation at that point. Which may or may not have produced a phone, with the urgent plea to repeat said term again, in a recording for posterity (or blackmail at another choice moment, whichever comes first). Sometimes it takes something a little shocking to draw a line in the sand. 

While I am highly amused by what I don't know lately, apparently my ability to laugh at myself, sometimes publicly, now makes me a "Facebook mom." I'm noticing a lot of labels in this conversation, whatever I may be. So, what landed me in "Facebook mom" territory? Blogging. Not sure how those two things are related, but then, there seems to be a generational divide in the subject of lingo. I don't understand the nuance of theirs and they definitely don't understand the nuance of mine.

Life with teens keeps me on my toes. Their antics forever amuse, embarrass, sometimes anger, or delight me to my core, but life is never boring these days. One child just finished a band season as solo drum major, as a junior. That was both exhilarating and exhausting. She and her band brought home a Grand Champion trophy and a Reserve Grand Champion trophy. All while balancing AP classes and her lesser-known love of gaming that still surprises her classmates. 

Another child is busy with her girl-posse, taking over the world of middle school, busy with many service activities and even getting to help out on the football field with her older sister's show this year. She is now dreaming of Color Guard camp coming up in the spring. She has already been officially adopted by the high school color guard, after a season of traveling with them to various performances. 

Then there is my youngest. He has run the gamut of dreams for his future. He has considered all of the following, in no particular order: sky-diving, the military, the priesthood, software engineering, MLB player, designing computer games, and becoming a drummer for a famous band. At the moment, he is glued to a screen creating his own video games, helping other kids refine their own attempts, and learning the drums in his middle school band. The staff at various schools are still confused and trying to figure out how these three kids came out of the same household. It's still a mystery...

But the thing that amuses me most, is trying to figure out the lingo they use. I don't think of myself as old, until I try to parse what they are saying some days. I can figure out a lot of it, but I have been told in no uncertain terms to NEVER try to use it (or to walk next to my kids in middle school in front of people). I don't know why, but my brain just. does. not. get. it. It's kinda like trying to say "Worcestershire" sauce out loud. 

My top-three words and/or phrases? 

1. Dogs (or "Dawgs" depending on who you're speaking to, though in my own teen years, Dawg meant something more like "homeboy"): your toes. Example in a sentence: "Put your dogs away." (Old people insight: I've been told that "These dogs are barking" is a phrase for old people like myself).

2. Pick me: a girl who is desperate to get a boyfriend and jumps at the chance to be called anyone's girlfriend, even the guy with a string of break-ups so obvious Captain Underpants would pick up on it and run. Example in a sentence: "Princess Anna is a total pick-me." 

3. Ship: when everyone thinks two people belong together in a relationship, meaning that they imagine them to be in a relationship, or just think they should be, because they seem like soul mates. Example in a sentence: "I ship Elsa and Jack Frost." 

Variation: Shipped: A. when someone else is on an acid trip and thinks you should be in a relationship with someone in particular. B. the past tense of putting two people together in your own mind (acid may or may not be involved). Example in a sentence: [ Not touching this one with a 10 foot pole. ]

Okay, so the acid trip part might be my own addition to this nonsense, and the difference between shipping and shipped is merely grammatical and a manner of tense. 

So, what was my response the first time I heard the phrase "ship"? 

"To where?" 

Worse, was when I tried to use it in a sentence to understand what the heck they were talking about. I have given up trying to use it correctly, because usually my attempt sounds more like mailing a package. 

So, to use it all in one sentence? 

This Facebook mom needs to put her dogs away after shopping all day, while listening to all the drama of shipped teens and pick-me's. 

To put this in adult terms: I am blogging my amusement while I put my bare feet up after a day of running errands and listening to my kids tell me all the latest laugh-out-loud funny stories in the few years left before they go out into the world to become dinosaurs, too. 

P.S. I just learned, upon reading this out loud, that I can NEVER put these terms all in one sentence. It should only ever be used one phrase at a time, with NO punctuation, in individual text messages, and including LOL as a sign of peace when using said terms. They are only to be used once in awhile and never all together, but sprinkled into conversations over time.

Example texts from my kids:

I told my friend to put her dogs away

And shipped my friends

And met a pick me

And I will not be seen in public with you

LOL

Disclaimer: There is also a difference between middle school usage and high school usage, so whatever errors you may find here, go ask your own kids. Better yet, walk to school with them, too.

Peace.

LOL

photo credit: Ylanite Koppens, stocksnap.io