Happy Belated Birthday Mom!

I still find it really hard to write about my mom. I watched her birthday come and go this fall in total radio silence. I just don't know what to say on those days. My body knows about 4-6 weeks beforehand and I start struggling with an unknown sadness each year, until one fateful day, I glance at the calendar and realize what's before me. 

I see all the sweet posts about others' own moms in heaven, written by people who have also walked this road, but none of those words feel quite like me. Or her. 

My mom was intensely creative. She created an astounding amount of work in the final years of her life simply to keep up the use of her hand and to keep her focus on something other than the nerve pain that had become her close companion. Her artwork is stunning in quality and quantity. So, what do I say? 

I went for a confession appointment this morning and spent some time working through some difficult things I'm facing at the moment. My confessor is very much like her, mild mannered, delightful sense of humor, good at creating a welcoming environment for all. On the way home, feeling as light as a feather and resting in the freshness of God's grace and healing for what ailed me, a song came on the radio that suddenly said so much, and it reminded me instantly of her. 

When I was a teen, we loved Faith Hill. She was young and fresh, had a megawatt smile, big, beautiful blonde curls and we loved her laid back and fun style, the combination of princess, jeans and boots. It was magic. Our favorite music video of hers was the song "Wild One." That is the video that comes to mind when I remember us sitting together, watching Faith's videos on the Country Music channel. Like the teen in the song, I had quiet a strong will of my own.

So, today, when I was driving back from confession, it was Faith Hill that was singing in the background. It was a song that came along later on, called "Wish For You." I will include the link at the end of this post. I have been listening to that song for a while now. It is the one that most encapsulates the feeling that I am living with more and more these days. While life is still knocking me around some days and teaching me a lot of fortitude, there is this beautiful peace that is building in the midst of it. The peace of the moments when you begin to realize that the various pains are lifting and life is joyful again, no matter the ups and downs that may still come in various ways and situations. As the song says,

"The faith of knowing deep inside your heart

That heaven holds more than just some stars

Someone's up there watching over you

That's the kind of day I wish for you."

It is a song about the chances we take with our hearts in giving them away, the losses that may at times come, but that even when they do come, there is joy and peace to be found even then. There is a day that comes when life feels light again though the losses hurt, sometimes beyond comprehension.

I don't know about you, but I believe very much in the communion of the saints, that all that belong to Christ are part of the Body of Christ, whether on this side of heaven or not. That bond does not break with physical bodily death, as those in heaven are not dead, but are more alive than ever, in all the fullness God made them to be. Their care and concern doesn't end, their desire to see us do well and to speak to God on our behalf doesn't cease, just as we pray for each other here on earth. That relationship merely takes on a new dimension, a new fullness of being. Since they are in the very presence of Christ, it does not hurt them to see the happenings of earth because they contain and are fully filled with the love of God and the understanding of what we can't yet see beyond the veil. For them, that veil is fully lifted to understand what we cannot. As effective as our prayers are on earth, their prayers/intercessions are far more so, standing in the very throne room of God. I am forever thankful that God includes us in this gift of intercession for each other, whether on earth or in heaven.

I know she is still with me always, talking to God on my behalf as always. Every once in a while, there is a little glimpse of her presence still in my life. Things far too coincidental to be mere chance. Things that only she knows about me, arranged with her very stamp upon them, in ways only she would have done.

My "Wish for you" today is that your own heart might also be filled with this love and light. "Knowing deep inside your heart that heaven holds more than just some stars..."

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dvtz-VXjRSs

"Weeping may linger for the night, but joy comes with the morning." - Psalm 30:5b NRSVCE