What will you do with the stars or the dots?

This time period in my life has been so interesting, unlike any other time in my life. Maybe it isn't even really that different, it is just my own awareness that has changed. Either way, I bought a chapel veil for the first time recently. I couldn't even tell you exactly why I desired to wear such a thing, when I first realized it was time to actually purchase one. I just knew that it was drawing me. 

My daughters and I attended a Catholic conference this spring and during the worship and adoration portion of it, as the Eucharistic host was processed through the building, the reverence of the people in attendance was simply astounding. I saw many veils as well. It is a practice that never really left the Church and has been around since the time of the Jewish people that came before Christianity. I had always considered it to be a very outdated practice, one that said something about a person's views, that they were overly submissive in ways they should not be. Yet, I felt this intrigue into what they were doing that has been slowly drawing me over time, culminating with that night. 

I would be remiss if I didn't tell you all that came before it though. Over the years, particularly since the start of the pandemic, it has amazed me the depth of others' responses to me, to my faith, to just about everything I do anymore, as time has gone on. Some have gone so far as to tell me to rot in hell, that I threw away my faith in Christ when I became Catholic to go to a religion that is bigoted or even pagan. The list goes on. Some people are so committed to their beliefs about me that even being blocked and my complete internet silence at times does not stop them. Others have said that they see the Holy Spirit shining in me so brightly, that this or that about me is so beautiful, that they literally can't stop staring at me. You'd be surprised at how often both ends of that extreme have happened. I am not writing today to solicit anyone's opinion or to defend myself either way, what happens simply is. Those words are simply how people feel in the moment, it's not really about me. It seems with most things in life, the truth is usually somewhere in the middle.

The things people say about me used to really bother me. Sometimes, when life gets really stressful again, and my reserves are running low, it can bother me anew for a time, as is part of the human condition. In the past, I felt anxious sometimes, like I had to defend myself. I found myself too often too reliant on their good words. If I was anxious, then that alone was proof in the eyes of my detractors that my Catholic faith was flawed, as their painful words or sudden absence never entered into the equation, in their own minds. My confessor once said of this, "it takes two to tango." 

I once read a book called You Are Special by Max Lucado*. In this book, there was a town of Wemmicks, little wooden people created by Eli the woodcarver. They would go around all day placing stickers on each other, stars for what they perceived as good behavior or dots for the bad. One imperfect Wemmick had a lot of dots on him and one day he met another Wemmick who had neither. He wanted to know why neither sticker could stick to her, as they fell off whenever anyone tried to apply either to her. The stickers did not stick simply because she didn't really care about either. She spent time daily with Eli and it was his thoughts about her that really mattered to her. He was the one who made her, and he was truly the only one who could actually decide such a thing as the meaning and worth of all that she did. She was joyful and full of hope as a result. 

The day we give our yes to God is not always the day we stop caring about the dots (or the stars). Life is not so black and white. The day we give our yes to God is not always the day that the behaviors the world sees as worthy of those dots suddenly disappear. It took us a long time to get to the place where we discovered Him, and it may take a long time to get where He desires that we go. No human being can judge the inner workings of a soul. We may give our stars and our dots, but only He sees the value about which we can only make an external judgment call. What does change, when we say yes to God, is that we have now set a direction for our life.

The beauty of a relationship with God is not that all our problems or issues suddenly go away, as is very unlikely as long as we live in this broken world. In fact, Jesus even promised that we would have troubles in this life. The true beauty of inviting Jesus into our hearts and lives is that Jesus is always with us in either one - the times of the stars or the times of the dots. He entered into our very humanity, in all its weaknesses and struggles, so we would never be alone, so that He could win for us redemption and restoration of a right relationship with Him and with others, even ourselves.

So, what exactly drew me to the veil all of a sudden? There are many reasons, too numerous to recount, but there is one in particular I will share with you today, because I think just the simple personal meaning behind it has value for a wider audience. To me, the veil is a symbol, a simple personal reminder, of the overflow of God's love upon my life, in a felt way. He alone gives me dignity and worth, something that He bestowed upon me before even a single soul knew of my existence in this world. A dignity and worth that was neither given by another human being, nor can it be taken away by whatever they may think of me or do to me. It simply is. It is a precious gift of God that I can treasure within my heart always. 

To me, gifts like that are worth veiling from the eyes of the world. I certainly can choose to share my heart and soul in the right time and way, with the right person in that moment, but it belongs first, foremost and forevermore to the One who made me and knows me inside and out, good or bad, no matter what. Every time I place that veil upon my head, before entering the sanctuary, I am physically reminded to protect what is precious and to reserve that which belongs to God, for Him alone.

You, dear friend, have been given the same precious gift, the same dignity and value, the same loving look and twinkle in His eyes, no matter what state He may find your soul in this very day. He longs with all His being to live in your heart and being, to walk with you every step of this sometimes hard, confusing or even elating journey, until one day you enter your true homeland in heaven, to fully be all that He created you to be, one in love eternally with the very one who IS Love. Yet, He is a gentleman and will not barge His way in.

If you say yes, He will ask everything of you, but He will also give everything of Himself and give you the strength to do anything He ever asks of you in this life. If you say yes, if you open the door of your heart, maybe for the first time today, or maybe a new yes today, after wandering on foreign paths, He will be with you always, so long as that yes remains, but know this, whether you say yes or no today, His love for you always remains. Your dignity remains, the relationship is yours to choose. Even your worst of actions cannot wipe away the value God placed in you as a human being created in His image and likeness. He only longs to wipe away the wrong actions we may at times choose, when we repent, ask His forgiveness and invite Him inside, when we say yes.

That peace that came to that little Wemmick, upon whom neither the stars or the dots could rest, came from her daily time spent with Him. When we spend time with Him each day, in both the Bible and in prayer, simply talking with Him about whatever is on our minds, that peace can also be ours, no matter what the world may say.

Peace be with you.

"For it was you who formed my inward parts; 

you knit me together in my mother's womb.

I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.

Wonderful are your works;

that I know very well.

My frame was not hidden from you,

when I was being made in secret,

intricately woven in the depths of the earth.

Your eyes beheld my unformed substance.

In your book were written

all the days that were formed for me,

when none of them as yet existed.

How weighty to me are your thoughts, O God!

How vast is the sum of them!

I try to count them - they are more than the sand;

I come to the end - I am still with you.

- Psalm 139:13-18 New Revised Standard Version Catholic Edition

*Lucado, Max. You Are Special. Wheaton, Crossway Books, 1997.