For the times when we need skywriting...

It's weird how unexpected memories resurface sometimes. I remember a time when I was looking for a new spiritual director. I was in a new city, overwhelmed by trying to find all kinds of things, a new doctor, new services like cable, phone, preschool, etc. I spent about four months looking all over the place to find the right person. I knew it was necessary, but I felt like the signs and direction God was giving me were really confusing. I had narrowed it down to one particular person that seemed like the right fit for that particular time, but I wasn't sure that was actually what God was pointing me toward. 

I sat down in the pew for mass one evening and told God, "I'm done with this. If this is your will, you're literally going to have to walk this person right up to me and make it obvious." I sat back in the pew, relaxed completely and utterly gave up. I was totally at peace with life.

Less than a minute later, a woman walked up to the end of my pew next to me and asked me if I'd like to take the gifts forward during mass that evening. For some reason, this is one of God's ways of skywriting things for me. When it's time to open a door, and when it's time to close one. I agreed and went back to my silent prayer. 

A few minutes later, the music began and we all stood up to begin the mass and the priest processed in. It was the very priest He had been pointing to at that time. 

I believe there is a lot of nuance to the art of spiritual discernment. It is a spiritual gift and one that can easily be misused or misunderstood if we aren't careful to pay attention to the little things along the way. 

And then there are days when I just want to sit in my pew and wait for the skywriting, whether the gifts or the rainbows that show up suddenly just when needed. Whether the end result is joyful or painful, at least there is great beauty in the hand of God and I believe that one day we will see the other side of the tapestry, the picture He is painting and be totally blown away. Maybe some days, when life is hitting from all sides, that can feel more like simply a hope or wishful thinking. Either way, I look forward to the day when we see the full redemption of things that just seem totally and completely senseless in this earthly life.

For the time being, I'm feeling "done with this." I'll be in my pew, soaking in a little peace in this crazy rhythm of life, days when ... the dryer breaks ... the bid on the bathroom repair is astronomical ... when Easter is the anniversary of a mom's death ... people are being unpredictable ... that call comes ... and I wonder whether to return to work or drink a margarita, sometimes things just don't make sense...

But I still know that God is good, and today, that knowledge will be enough. He is still worthy of praise, and there are many things today for which to thank Him.

"For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven:

a time to be born, and a time to die;

a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted;

a time to kill, and a time to heal;

a time to break down, and a time to build up;

a time to weep, and a time to laugh;

a time to mourn, and a time to dance;

a time to throw away stones, and a time to gather stones together;

a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;

a time to seek, and a time to lose;

a time to keep, and a time to throw away;

a time to tear, and a time to sew;

a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;

a time to love, and a time to hate;

a time for war, and a time for peace.

- Ecclesiastes 3:1-8, New Revised Standard Version Catholic Edition

photo credit: Binyamin Mellish, stocksnap.io