Does releasing expectations mean moral relativism?
In the idea of moral relativism, the claim is that there can be no moral absolutes, which immediately runs into a simple problem of logic, in that, in order to claim that there are no moral absolutes, one is actually declaring a moral absolute, in the negative. So, that being what it is, would letting go of all expectations somehow be the equivalent of that? Am I saying that I believe whatever goes?
To be clear, no. I think of the idea of letting go of expectations as somewhere on a continuum between people-pleasing and trying to control others. Neither is a good place to be - you're either the one being controlled, or the one doing the controlling, but it all ends in control by someone ill-equipped for the job.
To me, it is to keep spurring on, sharing with, and encouraging each other toward something better, with love and respect, but realizing that others may disagree and that they have the free will to do so and are still worthy of love, respect and human dignity. What it doesn't mean is that laws do not apply, that the Commandments don't matter, or that I will equally applaud any and all life choices as being equally good or beneficial for all. The latter would amount to an infringement upon my own free will and to do so would be dishonest, and no honest relationship can exist in that scenario. To do so would be merely to be a reflection of someone else, to cease to be a separate being.
To give a few examples from my own life, in practical daily living, if you find in them any food for thought...
It means that I will not waste time over-explaining my decisions to someone who isn't sincerely looking to understand, but would rather argue, divide, or polarize. I reserve the right to my own view of things and to share that with the world, and also others' ability to find support in other places if needed.
It means that when someone continues to act in really unpredictable or in unsafe ways, that I will not waste time trying to figure out what they are looking for or in explaining what I need. I will simply set necessary but respectful boundaries and not allow their unpredictable behavior to control my life or head space. I can love and pray for others always, without expecting them to change, when they may not be ready just yet. It is not my job to change anyone, nor theirs to change me.
It means that I will not rest my joy or contentment in life on the things that others choose with their own free will, nor on my own successes or failures in life, but I will instead choose to love the best that I can anyway and look to God as my rock and foundation.
We are designed to be interdependent, to share the good things we each have to offer, and to support each other in difficulty. Sometimes we will need to challenge each other and we all have differing ways of looking at the world, but we are also given a free will, each one of us, to use for better or worse. Notably, we will each also bear the consequences for our choices, whether we choose life or death, good or evil. No one else bears that responsibility for each one of us, nor do we bear it for others. We may and often do have an effect on each other, but ultimately, we all bear responsibility for our own life choices and the way we conduct ourselves in whatever life throws at us. Our personal, political or mainstream thinking justifications will not erase those consequences when we stand before God someday, bearing the choices we have made. I think the following excerpts explain this very well.
"Do not say, 'It was the Lord's doing that I fell away';
for he does not do what he hates.
Do not say, 'It was he who led me astray';
for he has no need of the sinful.
The Lord hates all abominations;
such things are not loved by those who fear him.
It was he who created humankind in the beginning,
and he left them in the power of their own free choice.
If you choose, you can keep the commandments,
and to act faithfully is a matter of your own choice.
He has placed before you fire and water;
stretch out your hand for whichever you choose.
Before each person are life and death,
and whichever one chooses will be given.
For great is the wisdom of the Lord;
he is mighty in power and sees everything;
his eyes are on those who fear him,
and he knows every human action.
He has not commanded anyone to be wicked,
and he has not given anyone permission to sin."
- Sirach 15:11-20, New Revised Standard Version Catholic Edition
"See, I have set before you today life and prosperity, death and adversity. If you obey the commandments of the Lord your God that I am commanding you today, by loving the Lord your God, walking in his ways, and observing his commandments, decrees, and ordinances, then you shall live and become numerous, and the Lord your God will bless you in the land that you are entering to possess. But if your heart turns away and you do not hear, but are led astray to bow down to other gods and serve them, I declare to you today that you shall perish; you shall not live long in the land that you are crossing the Jordan to enter and possess. I call heaven and earth to witness against you today that I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Choose life so that you and your descendants may live, loving the Lord your God, obeying him, and holding fast to him; for that means life to you and length of days, so that you may live in the land that the Lord swore to give to your ancestors, to Abraham, Isaac, and to Jacob."
- Deuteronomy 30:15-20
There are many places where this idea crops up in the New Testament also.
The thing about setting up expectations in life, is that when things fall through, as they sometimes do, it can leave us feeling helpless in the face of others' decisions or as if we are victim of circumstance, expecting far too little of God, the One who truly has the final say in anything anyway.
We are each dearly loved children of God and He longs to be in relationship with each one of us, but He is a gentleman always. He will not force His way in, nor can we force His own hand to be what we insist upon or want. No one goes to heaven on their own terms. It is a relationship of mutual freedom, love, respect, giving and sacrifice, because without free will, love cannot exist. Each of us possesses the freedom to choose to engage or not, but not the freedom for humans with very limited knowledge and understanding to set their own rules in everything. He will allow us to try to do this, but again, we will also live with the consequences as well, whatever may come. When Jesus walked this earth, He set before humanity the way of life, and He allowed people to join Him or to walk away, it was up to them.
To live with unnecessary expectations, based on personal preferences, whether our own or others, is to make either ourselves or others into gods. What then will happen when all our own rules, our own godheads run into each other, with other rules or little kingdoms? Does it then just become a matter of who is strongest and either outsmarts or outmans the other?
The Jews of Jesus' time were looking for an earthly king, they expected a political messiah, much as the world seems to today, but Jesus had something else in mind entirely. Not to conquer with political power and human expectations, which would only mean that humanity would be subject, whether they wanted to be or not, to yet one more power, one more earthly king. Instead, He came to free us from all of that, to win us by love, freely chosen. Heaven is already present within our hearts when we choose Him, we are already free, whatever the world may throw at us, whatever earthly expectations it may have, whatever laws it may enact, and whether those are actually good for us or not. When we choose Jesus, when we repent and trust, our hearts are already free.
Jesus sets before us a choice today...life or death, and we will receive whatever we freely choose.
I close today with another great song. I hope you will enjoy it as well. I think a lot of the reason for having so many expectations in the world is often simply a fear of what will happen if we don't, or an avoidance of simply feeling and processing the disappointing feelings over what didn't occur or isn't going our way. Jesus invites us to trust Him with what we can't yet see, what feels too out of control, what people might think if we don't tow the line in the ways they think it should be done. I remember a few years ago when archaeologists discovered the line of armor left by the Egyptian army at the bottom of the Red Sea. We serve a God who can part the seas that we cannot, and deliver us from any difficulty, and the worldly expectations that may pursue and seek to enslave us. He invites us to simply rest in His love and what He's already done for us. He reminds us in a million tiny (or big) ways, He's here.
Song: “Remind Me You’re Here” by Jason Grey
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W8BEYcnIWBA
Peace be with you.
Photo Credit: Brendan Church, Stocksnap.io
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