What Do You "Expect" To Happen Today?

It's only Day 3 of Lent as I begin writing this, and I've already sent a snarky message to one of my best friends asking her to pray for me that I don't die before the end of it. She quickly responded with a frowny face emoji and I was even quicker to tell her something to the effect of, "Oh, no. I don't want your pity. No, we're going to laugh about this. All the way." Laughter is truly my only hope of survival today. I was about five hours into Ash Wednesday a couple of days ago when this exchange took place and I'd already failed in my Lenten focus, oh, say, about 15,000 times already. It has been a battle, as has been the very beginning of every other Lent so far. So, why on earth would any sane human being subject themselves to such a practice? Believe me, I'm still kinda asking myself that very question, but bear with me, maybe I can make this sound a little less crazy by the end of the this post.

Lent for me, is also simultaneously one of the most enriching practices of my entire faith life. I actually began this practice in my younger years of married life while learning to incorporate different traditions from my husband's Catholic background and my own Evangelical Protestant one (Baptist/Non-Denominational to be exact). I found it to be so enriching and fruitful that I have practiced it every year since. It has only deepened in my years as a Catholic.

So, before I get to the main point today, some may be wondering, what exactly is Lent? There are many more technical explanations to be sure, and if you're interested in that, I'm not your person today, but I will give you the quick lay-person's explanation. Lent is the 40-something days leading up to Easter, when we follow in the footsteps of prayer, fasting and almsgiving for the purpose of learning to empty our hearts of self and turn our focus and hearts back to God, back from the many places we may have spiritually wandered or strayed over the preceding year, so that we may be more ready to welcome and truly celebrate Jesus' resurrection during Easter. 

One of the most notable practices seems to be what we "give up for Lent." This is where it always gets interesting, in my own thinking. Some choose to give up chocolate, coffee or wine. Others may choose to exercise more or cut out social media. Others will give up a sin habit. I have no judgment of the various things people "give up." I think there are truly spiritual benefits to most things, if done with the right heart attitude of repairing our relationships with God and neighbor. There is actually some science behind this. For me, I focus on the thing that needs the most attention in my spiritual life, usually a sin habit that has crept in over time or repair of an area that just needs a tune-up, like increasing prayer or Scripture reading. Sometimes it is just something that is standing between me and taking the best care of my body, as a steward of this gift God has given me, so that I may be better able to achieve my mission in life. 

Whatever one chooses, I personally prefer not to make it something I only give up for those days of Lent, but I try to choose something I can incorporate into my life going forward. For example, rather than to just give up sugar, I suggest to have a plan to have a healthier ongoing relationship with such a delightful and addictive substance (I know nothing about this from experience. Nothing to see here at all.) You get my drift.

This year, I chose something I knew wasn't going to be easy, I just had no idea how hard it would be at first, until two minutes into Ash Wednesday. This year, I gave up "expectations." I know. My head still hurts trying to wrap my mind around what I have just done, but after several weeks of discernment, that was the word, for better or worse. It is this that I would most like to share with you today. I'm sure my understanding of all this entails will grow over the weeks to come, maybe with more updates and insights later, but here's what I know so far.

I don't know when exactly it became clear to me, but it is kind of amazing how easy it is to have even unconscious expectations, about everything, all the time. For example, look at the pandemic - there were lots and lots and LOTS of expectations flying all over the place. Expectations are sneaky little things and I think in most cases they are completely unconscious in most of us. Slowly, over time, I have noticed that it is expectations that can hurt me the most, whether it is my own or those placed upon me by others. People will be what they are, but if I have any idea of how I think things will or should go, I have already likely set myself up for disappointment. And I know I'm not alone in this. I think it's just part of being human. We have all kinds of expectations about all kinds of stuff in a day. See if any of the following ring true for you.

• Do I expect good service at a restaurant, auto shop, medical office, etc.?
• Do I expect people to keep their word and contracts?
• Do I expect my spouse to be faithful in our marriage?
• Do I expect those that make a plan to show up when they say they will?
• Do I expect common courtesy?
• Do I expect people to mind their own business on personal matters?
• Do I expect that I will be safe?
• Do I expect people to think like I do about ____________?
• Do I expect others to tell the truth in our relationship?
• Do I expect that others will not abuse me?

This list could go on all day. And in to the next millennia. Or two. Humans have a lot of expectations. In some of these things listed, you may even feel pretty adamant that they should be expectations, and maybe to some degree you are right. God tells us to follow His commandments, not because He wants to ruin our fun, but because the commandments are the very expression of what love is, in practice. And truly, the list above is a good one in some respects, though many of those things are open to interpretation, and that's what can get hairy at times. We all have different interpretations. Even God Himself seems to set expectations, the difference being, while He sets the standard for how love looks, because He is love itself, He also grants us free will. We all love our own free will, we just don't always necessarily appreciate that of others. 

The problem is, we get a little attached to what we like, to the ways we like to think about things, to our own preferred ways of living, even to other people to fulfill us, and thus come the problems. Our own ways run into others' ways, and when all of our personal attachments get involved, discord is the result. Ain't nobody got time for all that.

Furthermore, it was hard for me to consider even trying this for Lent because I don't personally want to become a doormat, I highly doubt you do either. My initial fear was that I would be the only one giving up expectations, but actually, that's the brilliant things about letting go of expectations - it goes both ways! Yes, I am attempting to let go of even hidden expectations within myself during Lent, but I am also letting go of ALL expectations - those of others, too. No, I am not advocating for anarchy, quite the opposite, and I find this to be a highly freeing idea. It actually allows me to recognize more quickly when someone just isn't able to do or be X, Y or Z and to look for the best way to handle that situation, setting appropriate boundaries where needed so that I guard my own heart, time, relationships and mission, but it's much more than that!

I started scouring the Scriptures for help on this and I am already noticing some themes that are quite enlightening. It is not expectations in and of themselves that are wrong, it is where we place them that becomes problematic. We are all prone to sin and weakness, and frankly, none of us will ever get everything completely right this side of heaven, no matter how hard we try. I noticed in Scripture that when we place our hope, our expectations on anything other than God, it doesn't end well.

However, it does say that we actually need to have even greater expectations of God! We are told to wait expectantly on Him (Psalm 37:7). Our biggest problem as humans is not that we expect too much of God and feel like He failed us when He didn't act as we envisioned, it is that we often expect far, far too little and we limit Him! It's kind of ironic actually, how we are so prone to the very opposite. It is so easy, and so very human, to let our minds wander over various upcoming events and build them up in our minds, how we hope this, or that things will go as we envision it, only to sometimes be disappointed by the reality. Yet, sometimes heaven can seem really overwhelming to our unseeing minds. If church numbers mean anything, I'd say it's more common these days to believe too little about heaven and what it has to offer, and that seems to be the very place we go wrong. We expect too much of humans and too little of God. 

God invites us to put aside our human expectations about daily life with others, and to expect far, far more than all we could even think to imagine or ask of Him, to which He often delights to surprise us with even MORE than that (Eph. 3:20). His ways are above our ways and His thoughts are higher than our thoughts (Isaiah 55:8-9). 

"Consider the generations of old and see: has anyone trusted in the Lord and been disappointed? Or has anyone persevered in the fear of the Lord and been forsaken? Or has anyone called upon him and been neglected?" (Sirach 2:10 NRSVCE)

God has promised us that no one who has ever hoped in Him, has ultimately been disappointed and that the mind can't even conceive of what He has in store for us. He has proven this over and over and over again in Scripture and in my own life. I have many stories of His faithfulness, though the difficulties of daily life can sometimes temporarily cloud my vision and cause me to forget those provisions.

As I think more about this, it is a good opportunity to grow in humility, hope and gratitude. Letting go of human expectations is to live in what is, the truth of each moment, and to realize that ultimately, we are not in control. God is. Ultimately, I am not truly even giving up expectations, as I originally had the idea to do. As I am learning, it is actually that God desires to redeem human expectations, to ultimately reveal His glory through our lives. That is the entire point of all this "giving up" to begin with - redemption.

Sometimes, others may do things that feel disappointing to us. They may even do really disastrous, terrible or unthinkable things that can affect us personally and generations of people to come. There are many stories like this in Scripture. Yet, I think that is the beauty of giving up human expectation, of letting them be redeemed by God and for His use. I think it is meant to ultimately free us from unnecessary stress and pain and it allows us to forgive more easily when we recognize the reality of the sinful world in which we currently live.

Instead, it is to hope and to let God deal with the rest. Yes, we can set necessary boundaries along the way, we do not have to be doormats along this road, but we give Him room to work in us and in others and in our various situations in the way that He sees best. We do not presume to have all the answers for our own life or those of others. We leave room for grace, growth, and love, to let God have the final say in who or what we and others will do or become. 

I found the following song today as I was washing dishes. It really touched my heart. For me, it is the perfect soundtrack to such an endeavor, because in order to let go of my own expectations, I have to fill that space with something better...with gratitude for the good God has already given me each day. In that beautiful quiet we are invited to cultivate within our hearts during this Lenten season, we are invited to realize our utter dependence on God and that truly, what do we have that doesn't first come from Him? He does not look for all the shiny things we think we can do for Him, He looks for our love, for a return to Him for all He has done for us, a simple glance toward heaven, as St. Therese of Lisieux would say. A simple glance of gratitude, hope and love.

“Gratitude” by Brandon Lake

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1em6MJp0zUc

So, as you face the upcoming weeks before Easter, I invite you to pull up a proverbial chair with me and share what things you will consider letting go. How can you also replace those things with gratitude to God and others, whether in word or in deed? What can you do to allow a little rest for your body and soul as you cooperate with the Holy Spirit and allow Him to do this work within you? I will be praying for you all along the way.

Peace be with you.

"Therefore, my beloved, just as you have always obeyed me, not only in my presence, but much more now in my absence, work out your own salvation with fear and trembling; for it is God who is at work in you, enabling you both to will and to work for his good pleasure." - Philippians 2:12-13 NRSVCE