On again, off again relationships

This is a really random thought today, I know. But I keep thinking about this idea of on again, off again relationships. I hear about them from others, I've had some myself. But why do we have them at all? 

I ran into someone recently who was talking about "fresh starts." And it felt a little strange that day, for some reason that I couldn't quite put my finger on until just now. 

I generally believe in fresh starts. I believe in Jesus as my savior. I believe that He can redeem anything at all, even something totally dead and gone. Yet, I don't think a fresh start is necessarily wise in every situation, sometimes not at all. It is wise when the right ingredients come together, but not before then, or it could reinforce the wrong things. 

I also know everyone is not equally submitted to Jesus. Not everyone is in the same place of growth in life, and we all have different needs, different callings, different timings for all of those things. We are not all on the same road of life, nor are we all going in the same direction if we do happen to be on the same road. Sometimes some of us will even be swimming upstream for a while. Sometimes we want entirely different things and there is simply nothing left to build upon.

We are each given a unique calling in life, a special mission in this world, and a limited amount of time with which to achieve that, but in order to fulfill that, we each need certain ingredients in life. We all come with different strengths and weaknesses, differing needs and gifts, and some people are just not good for us at this particular point in our lives, or maybe we are not good for their own growth right now. Mixing with them at a particular time will not bring about the honor of God and others. It may even cause harm, and, as the Bible says of things like bitterness, it may defile many. 

It may have nothing at all to do with the particular people involved, they may or may not be a great person, it just may be the way we are made and the particular cocktail of things going on in our own lives at that time, etc. that just doesn't work well with another person at that particular time. It keeps us both from fulfilling the mission we are given, in the way that most honors God, others and even ourselves. It is not a lack of love or goodwill, we are just on different paths in life at that time, and we may or may not always be. 

I know all of this. You probably do, too, intellectually speaking.

So, why did the idea of "fresh starts" grate on me a little that particular day and from that particular person? Why did I stay glued to my seat, frozen and unable to move, even if I had wanted to? What is it about this idea of on again/ off again relationships, the cycles we get stuck in with certain people? What was it all trying to tell me? Frankly, in that moment in time, and many others just like it, I just wanted to throw stale popcorn and say, "yah, right!"

...it took a while to finally get it.

There is a saying out there we have all likely heard before at one time or another. It goes some variation of this, "if you want a different outcome, make a different choice." 

If you keep trying to plug a square peg into a round hole and it isn't working, it should start to become obvious why it doesn't work. It may not have anything to do with the people involved, but something about the interaction is just, and never will, work. Something has to change.

There are so many ways that people have phrased this idea out there in the world, and yet we can all be guilty of trying this very thing at different times. I know. I've heard of these stories, and I have plenty of my own.

That person may be the right person, they may be on the same path, and the intersection of those two lives in the right capacity and timing might bring very great glory to God and to others, but trying to do the same exact thing that didn't work the last 8,206 times already, won't work this time either. And that's why we get stuck, though we may have great intentions. We try it one more time. And expect a different outcome. And no fresh start happens. Not today, not tomorrow. Not ever. And we wonder why...again.

And maybe, if we do that same thing one more time, it even sets us back a little more (or a lot more) than it did the last time we tried it. Maybe if we try that same thing one more time out of a moment of weakness, guilt, obligation, laziness, control, or any other less than great motive, it can cause even more harm, embarrassment or frustration for all involved. 

It isn't always even about the person or the road, it's about trying something entirely new, and having the courage to walk down a new road, with a great deal of prudence.

By the grace of God, when we partner with Him, when we commit ourselves to prayer and to really living in the truth, not truth as the world might think of truth or as we or others would personally like it to be, but the truth - truth as it is written into all of creation and into every cell of our beings whether we admit to it or not, when we can take a chance to do something truly different, the possibilities may be endless. The redemption may be at hand, whether things work out today or not.

Peace be with you.

"You want something and do not have it; so you commit murder. And you covet something and cannot obtain it; so you engage in disputes and conflicts. You do not have, because you do not ask. You ask and do not receive, because you ask wrongly, in order to spend what you get on your pleasures." - James 4:2-3 NRSVCE

Photo credit: Nikolay Osmachko, courtesy of Stocksnap.io