Mothers Group Reflection #28: Navigating the Highs and Lows of the Spiritual Journey Part 1

As I sit composing this reflection today, it is the anniversary of the 2001 World Trade Center bombings. I still remember in startling clarity where I was when I received the news, as I know most people do. I was in college working on my art degree at the time, walking through the campus, when I saw a large group of people gathered around a small television in the middle of a central gathering space. I was present as the second plane crashed into the tower and the mayhem around me as we all realized something was very wrong. School was closed along with all government buildings within a very short time that morning and we all went home to ponder what would happen next.

What I remember most about that day was the heroism of the people on one of those flights that gave their lives to protect others when they stopped another plane from finding its intended target. I think of the heroism of all the fire fighters and support personnel whose lives were lost as they rushed into the burning buildings to save whatever lives they could. These stories raise some interesting questions in my own walk with God.

A friend of mine is in a tough spot right now, and asked me recently how I have handled times of darkness in my spiritual journey. How did I get through such desolation and darkness that I didn’t think I could get out, the times when God was silent, and I felt abandoned? There are actually several answers to this question, but one way in particular rose to the surface during that conversation. We all go through times of consolation and times of desolation. And these times periods will alternate all throughout our lives. Time periods where we feel nothing but the warm fuzzies and want to linger in the constant and sweet Presence of God, and other times where we feel slothful, tired and like nothing is “working” and it seems as if God is totally absent.

St. Ignatius of Loyola is my go-to saint for answers to these types of questions. He is known for his deep gift of spiritual discernment and he seems most commonly known for the rules he created for learning discernment. I have only studied and worked through the first and second week rules for discernment in spiritual direction, although I’m aware he wrote others things as well, which I have only briefly explored.

In his first week rules, he explains very well the alternating periods of consolation and desolation, and what those look like (which I will cover in more detail next week), but what I would like to elaborate on today is the reason why. Why does God seemingly withdraw sometimes? St. Ignatius gives us three typical reasons in Week 1, Rule 9:

Ninth Rule: “There are three principal reasons why we find ourselves desolate.

The first is, because of our being tepid, lazy or negligent in our spiritual exercises; and so through our faults, spiritual consolation withdraws from us.

The second, to try us and see how much we are and how much we let ourselves out in His service and praise without such great pay of consolation and great graces.

The third, to give us true acquaintance and knowledge, that we may interiorly feel that it is not ours to get or keep great devotion, intense love, tears, or any other spiritual consolation, but that all is the gift and grace of God our Lord, and that we may not build a nest in a thing not ours, raising our intellect into some pride or vainglory, attributing to us devotion or the other things of the spiritual consolation.”

The times of desolation, or even those dark nights of the senses, when it feels as if all is stripped away are actually very helpful times of pruning, when we understand what is happening and consent to God’s work within. They are a time to cleanse us of mercenary love, the type of love that is only present when there is payment involved, in this case, consolation. God calls us to a much higher form of love, a love that doesn’t blink before giving our entire lives to whatever He has in mind for us, much like the people on that flight or the firefighters who rushed into the twin towers. He is calling us to love Him simply for Himself, and not just for the experience of Him or His gifts. This corresponds mostly to the second reason, to see how we will serve Him when there is seemingly nothing in it for us.

But we are also called to examine our spiritual lives as we go along and to be intentional. Are we taking the time for Him each day in prayer and hopefully getting beyond just rote prayers (as needed as they are) into those simple conversations with Him? Are we frequenting the sacraments consistently, or only going when we feel “particularly religious,” as one acquaintance puts it? Are we examining each of our days to see how we did, whether what we chose brought us closer to God or a little further away? Are we taking time to just thank and praise Him for all He has given us? If we are slacking in the daily living out of our faith, He may draw back a little (or a lot) in order to wake us up so He can draw us closer again.

Finally, sometimes He just withdraws those consolations simply so we will know from where they come. Not only does this help us to see that all good things really come from Him alone, but it also helps grow our faith and trust in Him. We are less likely to be complacent, and we will have more faith that we are truly hearing His voice. Sometimes we can grow so accustomed to someone or something we don’t really “see” them right in front of us anymore.

So, a good rule of thumb would be to ask those questions, in the order St. Ignatius presents them. If you’re being faithful in one thing, move to the next question and so forth, until you find an area needing a little attention.

1. Am I being faithful to my spiritual journey with God? Have I been slacking anywhere, such as shortening or even leaving out my daily prayer or Scripture time?

2. Do I love God and remain faithful to Him regardless of what I receive from Him?

3. Do I recognize that all is a gift from His hand, and not of my own doing? Even if I am faithful to the daily living out of my faith, and I am content to love God whether I see any fruit or not, do I still think that these times of consolation and sweetness are of my own doing, as if I can earn them by my own good works or merit? Or do I realize that even if I’m doing all that I am called to do, that He may still have another plan for me that day for my ultimate good and His glory, and that I’m only called to be faithful?

In closing, I am interested to try something new. I will admit, it has not always been easy to write this weekly devotion, usually not because I do not have anything to say, but because I simply do not necessarily know the particular needs of those in the group. My life journey may look quite different from yours. I don’t profess to be an endless storeroom of knowledge, but if there are special concerns on your heart or things that you would like to hear more about, areas of weakness in your own life that need to be encouraged, etc., I invite you to contact me. I welcome your input and needs. I will gladly continue to write what I know as it comes to me, and I have really appreciated the words or encouragement from those of you who have reached out in the past. But I am interested to know where you are at, or even what has been helpful in the past, and how I can encourage you in your own journey, whatever that may be.

Questions for further reflection:

Do you find it easy to love God simply for Himself or do you find that you struggle to remain faithful when your spiritual journey feels dry? What is one area in which you can commit to being faithful in the week to come, regardless of whether you feel His Presence or not?

Verse for the day:

“Teacher, which commandment in the law is the greatest?” He said to him, “’You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind.’ This is the greatest and first commandment. And the second is like it: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ On these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets.” Matthew 22:36-40 NRSVCE

[ Just to clarify, I am speaking today of themes in our spiritual journey only. There are also times of psychological depression needing professional care and/or counseling and I encourage you to seek those resources if you are feeling overwhelmed or unable to complete daily tasks. ]