Mothers Group Reflection #18: Beauty in the Darkness
I was once strolling
leisurely through a museum when all of a sudden I was stopped in my
tracks by a large painting. It was very dark, and at first, it almost
made my eyes hurt. There was something about it that was completely
captivating and I just stood there, mesmerized. As I gazed at it, a
curious thing began to happen. It was as if light began to filter in,
and over time, this glorious scene began to unfold. The subject of
the painting was a storm at sea, near a coastline. Boats were being
tossed about, sailors were trying valiantly to handle their vessels,
the waves were white capped and whipped all about. The artist used
such delicate brushstrokes that you could see the foam on the white
capped sea.
It was a terrible
scene and yet absolutely glorious all at the same time, and I still
think about it to this day. Few works of art have ever had this kind
of a hold on me, but then, maybe it was due to the particular season
of my life. At the time, I was in a season of darkness and difficulty
unlike anything I had ever encountered before and I found myself
wondering if that was the way it would always be. Fortunately, it was
only a phase...a very long phase, but a phase nonetheless.
I think it is
interesting that when we suddenly find ourselves in very dark places
at times, our immediate instinct is to panic, to search all over for
a source of light, and we have this driving need to find a solution.
We think we have to do SOMETHING and NOW! The problem is, that we
trip over everything we can’t see around us as we are groping like
mad in the dark, trying desperately to find a way out or to find the
cause so that we can fix it. We have this instinct to be in control.
In reality, what we
need most is to stay still for a time and allow our eyes to adjust to
the darkness so we can see what is around us before we choose which
direction to go. Maybe the dark will be so much that all we can do is
stand still and pray and wait for God to reveal something to us. If
we are willing to stand still a moment and wait for the light to
slowly filter in, remaining faithful to God, we can begin to
experience the beauty that is all around us, even in that dark time.
Something else happens...we become more aware of the presence of God
in our midst. We are not focused on what we can experience with our
senses, but just the pure awareness of His presence and love.
Sometimes, we have to be willing to sit in the darkness for as long
as it takes in order to see the bigger picture, and to know what it
is trying to communicate to us.
I think sometimes
the fear is that God won’t really come through, that He doesn’t
really understand the entire situation or that He’s somehow distant
or detached from it, waiting for us to figure it all out. So, we can
feel the pressing need to act before His timing and before we have
all the facts. We can become so focused on the fear of the dark,
rather than letting our eyes adjust to see all that He IS doing and
wait while He slowly reveals more. One day, maybe we’ll suddenly
see the entire picture, maybe not. But we can enjoy the moment, the
little pieces we DO see unfolding before us. We can know that God is
loving us in the midst of dark times and caring for us despite it
all. That does not mean that we won’t have moments of tears,
endless “whys” popping into our minds, darkness and doubts. But
we can trust the One who sees it all and has a plan, whether that
plan unfolds today or many years from now.
I have been noticing
a trend lately, no matter what church I am in or who the people are
that I am speaking with, and maybe I’m stepping in it to even go
there, but it’s been a tough year to be a Catholic. I hear many
question the way this is done, or that is done. A few even question
whether they are really even Catholic anymore or even want to be.
Some are just tired from the struggle from within and without.
Friends, family, media stories...it all seems to weigh on them with
the all-too-often snipes or comments or even all out attacks on our
faith. Sometimes the struggles are just differences of opinion in the
day-to-day functioning of our churches, small groups, etc. Maybe they
are struggles within our families or with our friends. I do not for a
minute profess to have the answers to these tough things. To the
questions about why our church can move so slowly at either the local
or worldwide level at times. Why we faced yet another scandal this
year. Why we go through this difficulty or that in our personal and
faith lives.
I fear though, that
if we focus for too long on the questions and problems, our faith can
begin to weaken. While these things are important to ask and at times
we do need to make quick decisions, sometimes we will have to sit
awhile in the dark, with our hearts focused on God, before we can see
the whole picture and how to move forward. This can take much prayer
and patience at times.
So, what do we do as
we wait during times of darkness and difficulty? We rest in the arms
of Jesus as we turn to Him in prayer, whether that means just leaning
against His heart for awhile just to hear the sound of it beating, or
whether we begin to inch forward little by little as the light slowly
filters in. We pray fervently and with long suffering, if necessary.
For those in decision-making positions. For our families. For those
next to us in the pews. For ourselves. For an increase in love and
truth and community, both in our churches and in the world at large.
We tell Him honestly and candidly all that is troubling us and
weighing us down, how we feel about it all, as little children who
run to their parents when they fall and scrape their knee.
I’m sure there are
many other things as well and we’ll all be called to use our gifts
in different ways. I don’t know the answers to the tough questions
of life. I’m still trying to figure out my own set of life
challenges. Yet, I know The Answer and my prayer for you this week is
that you will also be filled with hope, no matter how your day is
going, as we draw closer to God as individuals and as a community
this Lent. Hope that God will prevail and our faith will too, as we
rest in Him, even without answers.
I was blessed to be
able to distribute ashes during the Mass on Ash Wednesday for the
first time this year. I was amazed at the depth of faith and the
humility of all the people that came forward that evening. Even
though we may have tough days, or years, or even decades, the Holy
Spirit is still ever present among His flock and the faith of many is
very strong, regardless of our differences or difficulties. It gives
me great hope no matter the daily struggles I face.
So, what
difficulties are you facing in your own life at present? What are
some difficult times you have faced in the past and how did you get
through them? Consider spending some time in prayer this week asking
God to remind you of all the ways He has been faithful throughout the
course of your life, for the ways He has shown you love, and for the
courage to continue moving closer to Him in faith and trust
throughout the rest of your Lenten journey.
Verse for the week:
“Come to me,
all you that are weary and are carrying heavy burdens, and I will
give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me; for I am
gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.
For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.” Matthew 11:28-30
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