Mothers Group Reflection #15: "Do You Believe That I Am Good?"

I have been thinking a lot about our subject of friendship this month. Writing has just been flowing, ideas coming left and right and there was this deep abiding sense of God’s presence within that was so real it was almost palpable. As I commit time to prayer, Scripture study and Eucharistic adoration, I am finding an ever-growing awareness of God’s presence and love in my life and a deep trust is growing as a result. A trust that I can honestly find a little maddening at times, because I know He is there. I know He wants what is best and that His ways and timing are best. That best just isn’t always the way that I would do it.

A very good friend suddenly hit a tough time recently and reached out for support and here I was, thinking, “hey, I’ve got it together, let me help you...” Words that came from a too complacent heart that too quickly thought it had all the answers that day and forgot that I am only an instrument, completely and utterly dependent on God. But then it happened...life. And everything in my own life felt blown to bits for about a week or two there. Ideas dried up, anxiety increased, big problems were around every corner, and suddenly, I wondered what on earth it was that I thought I “knew.” Yep, I’m pretty sure now that I know NOTHING, which I already knew, but now I REALLY know. And yet here I am, facing another weekly reflection.

It was interesting to watch a friend suffer from an anxiety-producing situation and then so quickly find myself in the same situation, but it really shed some light on some things and I’m just glad I can laugh about it all now. I don’t profess for a minute to have this faith and friendship thing all figured out yet, but here’s what I do know. We need God. And we need each other. But without God at the center, nothing else matters. Nothing else will satisfy, and other things will only leave us dry, anxious, pining and restless. But if we’re living within the Sacred Heart of Christ, we find everything and everyone else there as well, and everything is in right order.

As we reach out and work at developing friendships, without a doubt, the most important key is to first develop a healthy relationship with God and oh, how He longs to do just that, in each one of our lives. He does not hold back or keep us at a distance. Jesus calls us “friends,” as in John 15:14-15 He says, “You are my friends if you do what I command you. I do not call you servants any longer, because the servant does not know what the master is doing; but I have called you friends, because I have made known to you everything that I have heard from my Father.” He shows us the intimate secrets of His heart within Scripture and He delights over each one of us (Isaiah 62:3-5). I also keep hearing the reminder everywhere that good friendships are two people who want what is best for each other as we grow together toward God. How true.

As I look back over my friendship with God, there have been a lot of things that have gone into developing it. A lot of Scripture reading, prayer, Eucharistic adoration, journaling, spiritual direction, etc. There are many good ideas out there for growing our faith in Christ. Yet, I find that at the core, it is something even simpler than all those things. It came in the form of a question one day during adoration. I was going through a similarly rocky time, actually, it was one of the worst times in my life and I was sitting in the sanctuary of my church, pleading with God to take it all away, to give me answers and to show me a way out. It was in the quiet of this moment that a simple question formed within my heart. He simply asked, “Do you believe that I am good?” Ouch.

I’m not going to pretend for a minute that it was an easy question to answer, with all the anxiety swirling around in my head. I had to make an act of faith to lay down my life in that moment, everything I wanted, the ways that I thought things should go, and take a good, hard look at what I believed about God and surrender to the “yes” that I knew to be true, regardless of what my feelings were telling me. Without answers, without understanding how things would work out, without seeing anything else in that moment but Him, and knowing that He alone would be enough. But I will say that I have never regretted that decision, and I still regularly find myself facing the same question when it comes down to my will versus the will of God. Do I REALLY trust God and lean on that friendship in all circumstances and allow Him to gently lead me, knowing in my gut that He really, truly only wants the very best for me? Or do I insist on my own way, to the detriment of myself and those around me?

As a closing to this hard couple of weeks, I was reviewing the story of Rachel and Leah in Genesis in preparation for a book group I am involved in. This story is so familiar and yet, as always, Scripture is ever new with each new day and life circumstance. These two women, who were such rivals for the love of their husband...Leah being the unloved wife and ever seeking to win the approval of her husband and somehow never quite being enough. What struck me today is the love of God in her story. He saw it all. Nothing escaped His attention and He provided for her in the midst of such difficulties and blessed her with several children. Something else jumped off the page though...the slowness of it all. This story can be read in a matter of minutes, but in reality, covered over twenty years. God is intimately involved in every single detail of our lives, but He does things at the right time and sometimes, in ways that only He understands. But He also has a good plan to involve each one of us in this great adventure story of salvation. And the best part is, He invites each one of us to be a part of this story. He has a part designed specifically for each one of us, a part that no one else can fulfill in quite the same way.

Life can be so unpredictable, a mixed bag of suffering and joy. Yet, we are never alone in any of these moments, whether good or bad. We always have the love of a father and creator and our dearest friend and savior, Jesus. Just waiting for us to say, “yes, I believe that you are good” and then wait in expectant wonder to see the beautiful plan that will unfold.

Thoughts for further reflection:

How do you see God? As harsh judge, distant observer, or most intimate friend? Do you believe that He is good and that He has your very best interest at heart? Consider spending some time in prayer this week asking Him to reveal Himself as friend and to reveal His goodness in your life.

Verse for the week:

“You are my friends if you do what I command you. I do not call you servants any longer, because the servant does not know what the master is doing; but I have called you friends, because I have made known to you everything that I have heard from my Father.” - John 15:14-15 NRSVCE