Mothers Group Reflection #13: Unwanted Christmas Gifts

What do you do with unwanted gifts? I’m sure this question has plagued humans since the beginning of time, long before Christmas was even a thing. I was trying to come up with a list of gifts to buy in my pre-Christmas preparations when this subject surfaced...and no gifts had actually even been exchanged yet. This question came up when I was searching for the perfect gift for my kids’ teachers on a less-than-perfect Christmas budget. According to the article I was reading online about “perfect” teacher gifts, I was doomed to failure before I even got started.

The author of this particular article proceeded to list all the gifts that teachers detest receiving...you’ve heard it all, I’m sure...candles, lotions, cookies, coffee mugs, clothes (who even thought of this one I’ll never know), etc. Each item came with a description of why this was a bad idea. The end result? Buy a gift card. Let them decide what would be the perfect gift for themselves. Who are we to know? By the end of the article, I felt like I couldn’t give them anything else, and I’m just going to hope I even choose one for the “right” store at that. This reminds me of when my children were toddlers and I’d try to do something kind or helpful for them and they’d yell, “no, ME do it!” To be clear, I’m not pointing a finger at the teachers here.

Honestly, I felt really down after reading this article for a number of reasons I won’t completely cover here. It wasn’t necessarily the list of reasons why these items were not a good idea, because frankly, they were pretty practical reasons and many were just common sense, and at the end of the day, we want to please the receiver of our gifts. The thing that got me down was the spirit behind it, and to be honest, I think the author had really good intentions at heart when they wrote it. It was just the spirit that seems to have infected this world in ever-growing proportions. I don’t even know quite what to call it at the moment. I know this may seem odd, and many phrases could probably fit into this statement, phrases like lack of gratitude or self-focus, but the phrase that comes to mind is “lack of trust.” It just sucked all the joy and creativity out of my holiday shopping in that moment.

I’m also noticing a lack of love in our world, in general. Instead, we have a tendency toward self focus, especially in an era of “selfies” and social media. I wonder if these two things are not tied together...the lack of trust that pushes out the love that could be ours if we are only truly open to it.

I remember one Christmas I really needed sweaters. I did receive sweaters that year, but to be honest, they were not really my color or style and the fabric was something I never would have bought because it seemed too “itchy”. I remember deliberating for awhile about what to do with those sweaters. I kept trying them on, willing myself to love them and falling very short of it. I know the initial thought is usually to exchange them for something else, something more suitable. But I kept thinking of the gift giver, too, and the joy on their face when I opened the gift, and I couldn’t bring myself to say something because this person meant a lot to me.

After much deliberation, I decided to try to trust the intent of the giver, who knows me well, and I kept them and wore them. To be honest, they took some getting used to. But, they were warm (thanks to the itchy fabric I never would have chosen) and it was really cold that year. And eventually, I worked them into my style with the right accessories. After awhile, I really did grow to love them. Mostly, because it pleased the giver to see them on me, and to know they were appreciated. And the relationship was worth more to me in the end.

Sometimes, things really need to be returned, I know, and no judgment if you just got back from the return line yourself. I’ve been there. Many times. And probably will be many more. Yet, I wonder how often we don’t actually need to return some of these gifts, we just need to adjust our perspective a little first. Yes, some gifts seem like an eyesore. Maybe it isn’t the thing you want to proudly display on your mantle because they world might scoff or that shade of green makes you gag at the moment. Yet, if we throw away or exchange the gift that the world wouldn’t find appealing, are we also risking getting rid of the gift that says, “I am loved”? The gift that could possibly provide for a need we have, in a way we didn’t at first anticipate.

I wonder if a little of the reason we don’t feel loved at times is because we traded or resisted too many of the gifts that say we are loved for what would please the world or just our own pickiness? Moving into the faith life here, do we exchange our quiet time with God or try to rid ourselves of the “inconveniences” or “suffering” He allows, in order to spend more time building our own image on social media or trying to manipulate or control life to make it the way we think it should be? Would we be robbing God or others of the opportunity to provide for us better than we could provide for ourselves, something that could be a blessing to the giver as well, if we resisted or rejected the gift?

Sometimes, these not-so-attractive gifts, whether from God or from others, are truly a protection or a blessing in disguise if we can be open to them. A few years ago, I ran across the full Serenity Prayer. I’m sure most of you know the shorter version by heart, but I did not know there was more. After my discovery, it stayed posted on the wall over my kitchen sink for quite awhile, as a point for daily reflection. I will close today with the full prayer and a question to ponder: how do you respond to the unexpected “gifts” of life? How do you decide which things to keep and which to return?

Serenity Prayer by Reinhold Neibuhr

God grant me the serenity

To accept the things I cannot change;

Courage to change the things I can;

And the wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;

Enjoying one moment at a time;

Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;

Taking, as He did, this sinful world

As it is, not as I would have it;

Trusting that He will make all things right

If I surrender to His Will;

So that I may be reasonably happy in this life

And supremely happy with Him

Forever and ever in the next.

Amen.

Thoughts for further reflection:

What gifts from God would you rather return at the moment? Have there been gifts in the past, that while unpleasant at first, ended up being a huge blessing in retrospect? Consider spending a few moments in prayer this week asking God to reveal His perspective on those “gifts.”



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