Mothers Group Reflection #6: A Time To Be Silent, And A Time To Speak

In our recent mothers retreat, I found the discussions to be enriching, as we shared little snippets of our lives and our feelings about our relationships. I noticed that the theme of social media kept resurfacing throughout the morning. Sarah Reinhard had shared in her video presentation, “Grasping at Peace When All You Have is Chaos” that it is very important to not let ourselves become isolated from God and others. I have heard this spiritual advice in many forms over the years and it never grows stale. The devil loves to separate us from the fold because that is the time we are at our weakest and most susceptible to his attacks. However, the ways in which we go about that social activity are equally important to consider, because not all avenues are equal in spiritual support for daily living.

For example, while I think social media is a very useful tool in some cases, I have noticed that, I personally, quickly become depressed if I use it for more than occasional check-ins with others. I find that I’m not developing those rich face-to-face relationships of mutual support, where I can see and value the entire person and not just a small snippet online that may not be the whole story. It can be too easy to see everyone else’s small snippets and great moments as the whole picture when, in fact, it is only a tiny part of their overall lives. That can all too quickly lead to the comparison trap where it usually only goes downhill from there. Not to mention, the valuable time that can so quickly go down the tubes when I look up and realize I just spent 30 minutes sucked into social media and missed other more important opportunities.

Applying that to our relationship with God, although there are many ways in which to grow deeper roots in Him, something else came up that seems worth mentioning here today. As an ice breaker activity, we were asked to split into small groups and discuss a short list of conversation starters. The question posed to me was, “Share the best day out.” I didn’t even have to think about this answer. Hands down, my perfect day out would be at a silent retreat. I’m not sure what response I expected to that statement, but I quickly learned that the others at my table had never heard of such a thing, and they were very interested to learn more. It seems worth sharing in more detail.

One problem that seems to continually plague us as modern moms it the guilt of “downtime.” I find it hard to sit still sometimes to pray when I know I have a lot of things on my to-do list, and I know I’m not alone in this. I do know that carving out time in our prayer to just be silent with God is very important though, just as it is important to have that face-to-face time with those we love, with a balanced give-and-take to the conversation. One of the confessors I went to back in my hometown used to say that prayer is 10 percent talking and 90 percent listening. It is difficult to cultivate an ear for the Holy Spirit (or even know what’s going on with or friends) when we’re always the ones talking.

In my mothers group back home, I was introduced to silent retreats. The particular retreat house we chose gave 3-day retreats. I’ve heard they have longer ones, but as a mother, that was all I could commit to. To be honest, I only went partly to spend time with friends and partly because I wanted a front row seat to see who could last the longest. Expensive entertainment, I know, and not the most worthy way to get started, but I know God has to meet us all where we’re at and even He seems to have a sense of humor at times. What I found was such a jewel that I have continued to do them over the years, and when I can’t go, I at least find time in my schedule each week or even a little time each day to just be silent in prayer with Jesus. This never fails to reap rich results over time, even if my prayer time does seem dry and non-productive at times.

The retreat format was set up to where we had a speaker about every two hours to give a 15 minute reflection and then we were left with the remainder of the time to wander the beautiful retreat grounds with a few reflection questions and Scripture verses to meditate on. The particular retreats I have attended were built around the spiritual exercises of St. Ignatius of Loyola, so each reflection would build on the previous one in order to draw us closer into relationship with God. We were able to attend daily Mass, daily prayer at 3:00pm and to have about 4 hours of free time in the afternoons, and unlimited access to the chapel for Eucharistic Adoration. The rules were: no phones, no talking to others, and we were free to completely check out, meaning, we were not required to even acknowledge another person that entire weekend, and it was just understood, so no one would be offended. Of course, I would nod to others as I passed them, yet I was not compelled to do so.

It. Was. Magical.

I was surprised at the end of the weekend how much I had learned about others and how close we had become just by being united with each other in prayer and the Eucharist. Also, because we weren’t talking, we had to develop other ways to communicate. We began to learn the art of silence, of really seeing the other person in front of us. That first year, when I went back into the world at the end, I made the mistake of going straight to the grocery story. I was shocked by how loud and rude people can be out in the world, how frantic and busy. The noise felt deafening to me. I actually had tears in my eyes in the middle of the store at all I encountered. It was hard to even think. There are many great things about our world, but I find it is so much easier to see things as they are when I take time for silence and to grow those deep roots in God first, to know how He sees me and to better know His character.

I went on that first retreat with two very close friends, one is my best friend. Both of us had such deep experiences, we found that we could never put them into words, but only encourage others to share this experience for themselves. There was immense healing and a deep rest beyond words. I have found since then that only ten minutes of silence can do much the same, now that I have learned to really enter into it and to find that stillness within. I hope you, too, are able to experience this someday, but in the present, I hope you are able to find even a few minutes of this soul-healing silence each day and also that quality face-to-face time with others. It seems that this group is a great place to begin cultivating that needed time. And just in case you feel the need for “permission” for these times of silence or even that time to really connect with others, I leave you with the following from the book of Ecclesiastes 3:1-8, emphasis mine:

“There is an appointed time for everything,

and a time for every affair under the heavens.

A time to be born, and a time to die;

a time to plant, and a time to uproot the plant.

A time to kill, and a time to heal;

a time to tear down, and a time to build.

A time to weep, and a time to laugh;

a time to mourn, and a time to dance.

A time to scatter stones, and a time to gather them;

a time to embrace, and a time to be far from embraces.

A time to seek, and a time to loose;

a time to keep, and a time to cast away.

A time to rend, and a time to sew;

a time to be silent, and a time to speak.

A time to love, and a time to hate;

a time of war, and a time of peace.”